Ya Gotta Have Heart

Someone recently told me that my posts during the pandemic helped them get through it.  My initial reaction was surprise and was immediately followed by an internal smile.  Knowing that something I did for my own enjoyment and connection helped someone I hardly knew hit a very integral part of my being.

I arrived in this world as a happy child and I have chosen to remain one. My sense of other people’s unhappiness has been at the forefront of my life. For years I did not understand it and as a child I simply wanted to keep demonstrating it so that “they” would see that they did not have to be sad.  As I grew up, I realized that some people do not come from a place of happy, for whatever the reasons.  I was lucky enough to be born to a woman who wanted to fan the same happy flames, but she was lucky enough to be less attached to other people’s unhappiness. Then there is the fact that I have been medically diagnosed with too much serotonin.

Since the conversation with the person my posts helped, I have spent some time contemplating all the places in my life where people have knowingly and unknowingly made a huge difference.  They were all significant to me because I was the one in need, but upon reflection, they may not have been anything to the people doling out the love and kindness.  To the “givers’ it is often invisible because they do not see the holes inside of the “receivers.”

I have a friend that I often introduce with the phrase, “she saved my life.”  She has poo pooed it for years. But she did, she just did not think anything of it because she did not know how empty I was at the time. She allowed me to come to her place of work and volunteer. I would go two or three times a week and happily do any task required.  Recently unemployed and adrift, it gave me a place to go and be of use. It allowed me to talk to other humans as I lived alone and had recently ended a relationship as well. It was the lifeline I needed in those moments.

The cavalcade of memories that I have reviewed over the past two weeks are varied.  There were invitations to dinners, inclusion in other’s family events, a phone call, a lunch. One that helped was on a very dark day, my friend showed up after repeatedly trying to get me to talk on the phone and stated, “I have a badge and you have to let me in.”  I did and she just sat as I sobbed. There was no heavy lifting, just being present.

As we go into Valentine’s Day a lot of people feel alone or unloved or bitter or ignored. It is a day that focuses on relationship, but I like to think it is a day for all of us to have an opportunity to tell those in our life that we love them, see them, appreciate them and feel lucky to have them in our world. It is a good practice and you never know, it might just save a life.

Thank you to all who read this and for your comments.  Happy VD.