Can You Hum A Few Bars?

As I listened to the oldies station the other day, I suddenly remembered that in 1990 when I left Corporate America, I had applied to Stanford in the hopes of getting a doctorate in Psychology. The music and the timing of my thoughts of returning to college had nothing in common. What was triggered was my imaginary doctorate dissertation, “How Songs of the 60’s led to Codependence in the 80’s.”  I remember thinking it was a brilliant topic and I have to say 32 years on, it remains so.

Evidently my codependence or simply codependence in general has been an on-going theme in my life. In some cyclical way, it rises to the surface during different decades and manifest in interesting iterations. Perhaps this blog is my dissertation of life and I have certainly taken enough classes and put in enough hours to qualify for a doctorate.

Some of the titles give them away, “God Only Knows What I’d Be Without You,” “I Will Follow Him,” “Can’t Take My Eyes off of You,” “I Can’t Help Myself,” and “I’ll Never Find Another You.”  

Delve into the lyrics and it will teach you that love and usually ONLY their love, will somehow save you. They also have the power to make or break your life. Your fate of loneliness or happiness is in the palms of their hands. 

Now when you sing about this codependent and dependent behavior it sounds wonderful.  It can be peppy. Soulfulness exudes from everywhere. People are dedicating it to the one they love and they will Cherish you as they meet you at the Bus Stop because they are Hooked on a Feeling that they’re in love with you.  They only want to be with you.

You can ask them if they will ever leave you and the reply is Never My Love. My guy, I will follow him wherever he may go knowing that I just need to ask if he will still love me tomorrow? Often the reply was that he had lost that loving feeling.

If these songs are to be believed, the message being pounded through drums and great rhythm was that Love is All Around, so let the feeling go, but too often the result was someone left Cry-I-I- ing. That was usually preceded by one person pretending that you did not have to say you loved them, just be close at hand. 

I do believe my codependence comes from my epigenetic programming, but these constant unchained melody subliminal messages certainly have a power.  Perhaps that is why I continue to say, “Reach Out and I’ll Be There.”