Life’s What Happens…..

As a little girl I never imagined my wedding. I was always surprised when other girls did. Why? How could that be a goal? Perhaps it was my mother pointing out the bride listings in Sunday’s paper.  “Look at those. It will prove anyone can get married!”

My life was always mine to create was the message and yet it was not really because my mother had already written the script outline and was lining up locations and cast members.  I could have this magnificent life of a career in business and success and you certainly did not need to be married to achieve any of it. 

Then there was the mixed message that I should marry someone that would make a lot of money.  She had several picked out.  The first one was Singapore’s most eligible bachelor and that was moving in the right direction until she realized he was nearly 20 years older than her 18 year old daughter and back to college I went.  At least I was in love with him.  The next one was a fellow that we had known since I was 16. He was a bit rough around the edges, but funny and smart but most importantly for my mother, moving at breakneck speed toward building a business and millions.  When I pointed out I was not in the least physically attracted to him, I was told that was not a requirement.  Luckily, I knew it was and stepped out of contention.

In my 20s and 30s I must say that I would, from time to time, as I stood up as a bridesmaid at someone else’s wedding imagine what I would wear were I to get married.  I had many attractive and stylish choices and some that were a bit outré, but there was never anyone at the end of the aisle. Certainly none of the men I was dating at the time.  They were all place holders and something to do.  Most of them came from the Land of Broken Toys and thus my codependent self had plenty to keep it busy.

I never wanted children. That decision had been firmly made by the age of 11 when upon viewing a very pregnant woman, I realized that there were very few ways for that to come out and none of them were good.  Nana always said, “All little girls love babies,” and I would have to inform her that it was simply not the case. Nana and I agreed to disagree. I still take all babies on a case-by-case basis and am grateful that I did find my nephew to be adorable and continue to do so.

In my late 30s I was helping at a fund-raising auction and had been given the task of bidding up some items in the hopes of better returns. It was early days for the organization and they did not yet have the base to make real money from this annual event.  That year someone had donated beautiful Japanese silk kimonos. There were two traditional ones of bright colors and then a gorgeous all white.  As I placed a “bid” on the white one, my mother happened to wander up. 

“Why are you bidding on that?” she asked.

We were surrounded by others, so I could not tell her why, so I simply said, “I thought if I ever got married, I could wear that.”  I cleverly knew that she would get the coded message as she knew I was never getting married.  At the end of the auction, my mother had purchased the kimono. I was horrified.

“Why?”

“Well, you said you wanted to wear if you get married. So, I bought it,” she replied.

“I’m never getting married.  It was code.”

“We own it now!”

When I was 42, I became engaged.  That is another story, but when I told my mother she said, “Well, we know what you’re wearing!”

It was not any of the outfits I had ever imagined, but Mom thought it was a good idea, so I went with it.