Waiting at the Way Station

I am wondering what is next. I know something is coming along, but currently I have no idea what it may be or where it will take me. The good news is I do not have to know and even my curiosity quotient is low. Whatever it is has not yet cued the song from West Side Story, which is the measure, at least in our family.

It is an interesting place to inhabit. Neither here nor there. Not up or down or even good or bad. Just a quiet waiting place. Another way station along the journey. One would think I would be used to them now, I have had a number of them, but they never cease to intrigue me.

In my earlier days, I would be anxious or worried or fearful of the next leg of the trip. I viewed the endings as more abrupt or unfair or unnecessary or chaotic, but with each event and enough journeying into myself they have simply become familiar and a curiosity.

The upside is that I could opt to do nothing and simply trundle along the highway I am on. It would see me through to the end, but it would not involve personal growth or introspection and I know that I am far from finished with those tasks.

In the beginning of my journey inward, I was resistant and arrogant enough to believe that I was fine as I was or that I had done enough and could stop or at least rest a bit longer until the next deep dive. Now, even knowing what is ahead, I welcome the opportunity of climbing the next mountain of Heather or leaping off the mountain I am on and trusting I will land where I am meant to be to learn or experience the next thing.

It is a lonely journey, and some might say selfish, and many have informed me unnecessary. They feel no need to “waste” their time. Some even believe that they have figured it out so why spend more time? Maybe they have, but I have not. The deeper I delve; the more treasures are revealed. Pieces of me that fit into the puzzle and often replace the ones that were close, but not quite right in the overall picture. Those are the ones that were the great space holders whilst I searched for better examples, and I am not sure that even these new ones are the final picture. But they will do the trick for now.

As I await the road map for the next part of the scavenger hunt for Heather, I do think about what this next phase will require. Where will I go? Who will I need to leave behind and the answer to that may simply be the parts of me that hinder the journey rather than enhance.  It will require I lighten the load and that will involve choices.

So, for now, I simply choose to wait and watch because I do not want to miss the clues when they appear or the bus when it shows up to whisk me off to the next station.