Victim? Rescuer?

Rescuer versus Enabler.  There is the challenge.  The lines are clear and very blurry. If someone is drowning and you dive in, you are rescuing. If someone is floundering in a sea of problems and you attempt to solve them, you are enabling. Then if a person is drowning in debt and you loan them money, are you rescuing or enabling?  Probably a bit of both.

Perhaps it is always a bit of both. One could argue that rescuing a drowning person is enabling. Enabling them to live rather than die, but would they die without you? Maybe. Maybe not. If one believes in fate, it would definitely be enabling as you are taking away their destiny. The struggle is real for both parties in this scenario.

As I strip away what is mine to do, these are the questions that arise.  Are any of the choices “good or bad” or “right or wrong?” The answer to that is also no because whatever we choose there are consequences and outcomes. Not all good choices are good and not all bad decisions are bad. They just are and that is a tough one for a co-dependent to get their mind around.

When we love people it is especially hard because we want them to be safe and happy and stress free, but is that in their best interest? How many of us have railed against our parents, siblings, spouses, friends or bosses with the shoulda, coulda wouldas? How about the “if only’s”?

Where are the lines? The boundaries? There are wherever we put them and they are ever changing. At some point even co-dependents hit a wall of “never again” or “not this time” or “I’m done!”  It may take a long time and to some of us watching it may look like forever, but in my experience even the most dedicated finally reach the point where they realize that it is endless abyss and we have nothing left with which to fill it.

The new me just has fewer objects to toss down the abyss and that is fulfilling enough for me.