Cave In

The biggest challenge remains the “waiting to be asked,” component of co-dependence.  I can see so much around me that “needs fixing” and yet my new self knows that it is not mine to do. Being an observer rather than a doer is not as easy as it sounds.  It is right there in front of me and yet it has little or nothing to do with me. Life is what happens while you are making plans.

Life seemed busier and more frenetic before I gave up being the global rescuer. My attention was mostly focused outward. Waiting and watching to see what my next assignment might be. Introspection is my new normal. Luckily it was a skill I already possessed; I now just practice it even more than before.

It feels as though I have given up control, but in truth now have more self-control. In the end, I am the only thing I control. Controlling others is a lot more fun and in some ways more time consuming but not really as I appear to be quite the handful at times.

In the past year I have moved my life forward exponentially and yet to an outside view it might seem as if I do nothing.  Just this side of inert to some I would imagine. Self-examination is not a spectator sport. You can do it right in front of people and they have not a clue. Unless, of course, like me you feel the need to share and overshare.  It is nice I find myself and discoveries so fascinating since it is the dominant activity of late.

I do know that my journey, discovery, spelunking, deep diving and contemplation has helped others. When folks do ask for assistance in their pursuit of self, I have more insight and exercises and approaches than I once had.  Being asked does help me to be more laser like in my approach to friends and clients needs. As I scrape the accumulated moss, stalagmites and stalactites from the Heather cave, I get to see the writing on the wall and that is very helpful.