Steeped in Tradition

Here is what it is like to be me. I had a friend visit recently. He was here on business and stayed with us to save a hotel and car rental bill. It was great to have time to catch up and discuss the world. As he was packing up on Sunday to leave for his last meeting and then on to the next location, I noticed that his tea supply was still by my kettle. I made a mental note to remind him.

When he came back out we became busy with last minute conversations and selfies to commemorate our time together.  Then it was time to dash to the car and drop him at his clients.

Upon my return home I noticed that the tea bags were still there. I had a moment when I actually contemplated getting back in my car and driving 20 minutes to drop them off. He would need them for his next three days on the road. He is not a coffee drinker. What will he do? Then I allowed my codependent sponsor that now resides in my brain to point out he would survive.

Then I received the early morning text. “I forgot my tea.” It was accompanied by a sad face.

My reply explains it all:

                Yes, you did. I meant to remind you, then we got to talking and I forgot. As a codependent I am appalled at my behavior. As an empath, I can feel your pain. As your friend, I am bummed for you.

I do wonder when, if ever, I will stop believing that I am in charge of the world and its happiness. Will there be some miraculous morning that I awaken and do not have my first thoughts of the day go to others and their needs. Will the lists of shoulda/coulda/wouldas ever cease to run the stories of my life? Is there a clear definition of what is thoughtfulness, kindness and “normal” caring versus my need to rescue? More importantly, do I really want to give up taking care of those about whom I care?

This brings up the next series of questions regarding the “caring about” lists. I have winnowed them down. This does not mean that I have completely given myself a pass for not caring as much as I once did or at all. People and their needs are like fly paper for me. I attract all and try to keep them from annoying others.  Only I should be inconvenienced, exhausted and depleted by them. I am saving not only them, but all with whom they come in contact because I will be the one that fixes it and creates the perfect calm necessary to the rest of the world. I am strong and resilient. It is my job and if I do not do it, I will lose my job and then what will I do with all that time and talent?

As I have noted a number of times, I hear the call to action and am in the middle of the fix before I even realize that I yet again thrown myself in the deep end with my life preserver. Maybe that is why the only sport I have ever enjoyed is swimming.

FYI, I will be mailing the teabags to him. I am sure he still needs them.