Feeling It
I had a friend visiting. As I drove him to his appointment, we began an interesting conversation about “new age” or devotees of metaphysics. My observations were that scarcity, poverty and victimhood played a large part in the dynamics of this segment of the population.
He blurted out, “It’s the empaths that make me crazy. What a bunch of victims.”
This gave me pause. I immediately went to the fact that I am an empath. I did not feel I was a victim. What was he saying? Moi? I allowed the thoughts to fly through my mind. In under a minute, I ran the Rolodex of traits, experiences and beliefs. There is an air of victimhood about it and a strong sense of “somebody else’s fault.” I smiled and replied, “I have always hated victims. Find them annoying and then one day I realized that I felt victimized by victims and hence I must be one. That’s when I decided to give it up.”
We laughed. The work and belief system we share has to do with seeing both sides of the story. The balance in life. The benefits and drawbacks to each and every situation. It is a practice we have embraced, even though it can at times be exhausting. Also, it appears to be annoying to many people who want to stay in their one-sided worlds.
I dropped him off and my mind began to turn over his empath observations. I am empathic as well as an empath. I can feel other people’s pain, energy and vibe. I pick up other people’s needs constantly. It is enervating and confusing. It occurs subconsciously and so I am often surprised that I am exhausted for seemingly no reason when I leave a big event or time spent with energy vampires. It is a burden we bear. A trait from which we suffer. A service we provide. Cue “hand to forehead” here.
As I pulled onto the freeway I heard, “Pretty much the same as being codependent wouldn’t you say?”
You also need to know that I hear voices. That is another chapter or twelve that we will get to but suffice to say that I have gotten much better at listening. Also, at delineating which voice is mine and other.
Upon my arrival home, I googled traits of an empath. Darned if the voice was not right. (The voice is always right, but again that is another time).
Here are some traits:
Highly sensitive
Absorb other people’s emotions
Introverted
High intuitive
Can become overwhelmed in intimate relationships
Have huge hearts but sometimes give too much
Hard time separating themselves from other people’s feelings, needs, experiences
Feel something is wrong with you
Some of the above explain empathic behavior and others codependent and yet they seem rather intertwined. One could say “interdependent.”
I have spent a lot of time in the world of new age, new thought and mysticism. My business card reads metaphysical pragmatist, a title coined by a good friend and even better observer. I had thought my salvation was in other worldly pursuits. That somehow understanding the ethers, the energy, the vortices would answer my questions. I gave it a good shot, but my biggest issue was that at some point my “goofy meter” would go off and I would have to stop.
My “goofy meter” is at a much higher calibration than most. I have participated both physically and financially in a lot of sketchy schemes. I have hoped, believed, experienced amazing results from many of them. I have done past life regressions, spinning, rebirthing, numerology, psychics, network chiropractic, pre-cognitive reeducation, reiki, color puncture, acupuncture, Jin Shin Jyutsu, tonal massage. I have participated in full immersion weekends of cultural appropriation but stopped short of sweat lodges and vision quests. If there is a ritual, I am immediately out. Can’t do it. I blame it on past lives because that is easier than trying to find a reason that I so hate ritual. Yet, I will attend a gong session and some good Tibetan throat singing or chanting. I identify as a vibrational junky.
I have never, until just now, put two and two together and realized that I am an empathic codependent. Is it a new category? NO!! There are articles about the differences. Supposedly codependency comes from a lack of the authentic self. Empaths are born and codependents created. But here is the question I ask, “If you born an empath and you are born into a codependent family what chance do you have not to become both?”
As I contemplate this dilemma, I leave you with another quote that ties into this perfectly.
“When a codependent dies, they see your life flash before their eyes.”
So, are my past life memories really mine?
