So Tell Me…..

I am back noticing how many questions I have in my head. So many questions. Almost none of them have any real meaning in my life. They are questions about other people. Inquiries into their needs, business and activity.  They are not simply polite inquisitions. I am one nosy broad.

I no longer ask most of the questions. Evidently over the past year I have installed some type of regulator that is stopping the majority from spewing out all over the people I know and even some with which I have no real connection. The fact that I am not flinging my queries all around is somewhat astounding to me.

Had you pointed it out to me in the past I would have taken umbrage, I am sure. I might have feigned hurt and surprise.  I am just inquisitive by nature. I am just trying to help. I am just trying to find the right answers for you.  It is all for you.

Here is the thing. Maybe it is all for you, but it is all for you only in my mind. It might help you and it might annoy you.  It could ease your burden or increase your anxiety. I never had a way of knowing, I just wanted to help after I heard the high-pitched call for action. Or my perception of a 911 alert.

Now that I have the 10 second delay on questions, I have time to listen to the things I want to ask. My Codependents Anonymous sponsor, the one inside my head, comes quickly online to point out the necessity or lack thereof in my plan to help. Have you been asked? (key) How will it help? Who will it help? Why are you asking? What are you going to do with the information? DO YOU NEED TO KNOW!!

The answer in most of these moments is a resounding NO! In the realm of “hunter and gatherer” I realize I am both.  I hunt out problems that are not mine and begin to gather the information. Perhaps it is wired into my DNA. Perhaps it is learned. It is DEFINITLY not mine to do.

I miss the questions still. I do not know if this will ever go away.  I do, however, have the joy of listening to the questions and finding myself and my wacky mind fascinating.  I enjoy the internal dialogue as my “panel” of experts decides if I should go ahead and ask or never ask or hold on for a while and wait to be asked or simply move along because there is nothing to see here people. 

It is good to know that I enjoy my own company and totally enjoy my inventiveness. I seem to be an unending source of inquiry.