In A Snap

I eat like my dog Winchester.  He is a rescue and highly food motivated.  As I give him his nightly treats, he nearly takes my fingers off, hardly chews (if at all), looks for more and is disappointed when it is gone. He would not have to experience that level of disappointment were he to actually take the time to taste and chew his treats.  It is the same with dinner. Gone in the blink of an eye while the poodle, who eats much more like my husband, savors her meals and often leaves something in the bowl.

It is not a trait I admire, but one that I must own. I judge Winchester for his feral ways and yet can so clearly see my similarities.  I come from a wolfer and a savorer genetically.  Mom did not waste much time with the mundane aspects of food but did know how to linger over a dessert or Belgian Waffle (with extra whipped cream). Dad took his time, loved good food and could savor, but then he drank a lot and also smoked so there were other considerations. 

As I watched Win snap at his treats and mindlessly swallow, I contemplated my need to Dyson up my plate of food. What causes my behavior? The years of dieting from the age of six? Trying to eat “the good stuff” before someone took it away?  Fear someone would take it away? Not wanting to be caught eating “bad” food? (This was a tough one because my “bad” food looks an awful lot like other people’s “okay” food.) Modeling from Mom? Epigenetics?

Since I made the first connection between Winchester and my behaviors, I have attempted to be more mindful in my eating. I am making slow progress in slowing down. I have stopped beating myself up with the misplaced belief that if I only ate more slowly, I would be thin. I have a number of slim friends who can make food disappear at my historical pace. I do notice that I am no longer the first one done in many cases and nearly disposed of having to be the winner because there is no ribbon for that achievement.  No longer do I have an entire judgement argument in my head about all the annoying slow eaters and the transference of their obvious superiority. I guess my eating issues will slowly resolve and perhaps it is only the awareness of my habits that matter.

I just wish I could help Winchester because those sad big brown eyes after he has snatched and swallowed the last morsel tug at my heart and make me contemplate a snack.