Happy Anniversary
This is the 54th blog. I thought my anniversary was this week, but evidently, I marked the one year of blogging last week. I am impressed. When I started this, I knew nothing about blogging and personally did not hold out much hope that I would be consistent or dedicated. I have proven myself wrong and am thrilled.
Thank you all for reading along with me over the past 53 weeks. I know some have been winners, some confusing and others just odd, but your comments and support have kept me going and for that I am most grateful. The codependent in me could not disappoint by not posting, so here is an example of the benefits.
I have learned a lot about myself over the months, the musings and the mistakes about which I have written. It is surprising to me as I reflect how much I have changed and how different my world view is simply from having shared the thoughts in my head with all of you.
My codependent friends have been quite the motivators. Many of my posts caused them upset and the need to justify their own behavior. The tough part of being codependent is that you do not realize all of the ways in which it is annoying. We only see our own altruistic efforts. Our programming makes it difficult to understand how our opening our veins for the benefit of others is at all a problem.
There is a fine line between being codependent and being helpful and caring. The similarities are many, but it is the delivery that causes most of the issues. It is the belief that our micromanaging of others’ lives is a benefit to all and greatly appreciated is a false narrative. Yes, it can be greatly appreciated but it can also be highly annoying and intrusive. Learning how to walk the tightrope of positive assistance is dicey. Just when you think you have nailed it, you appear in sky above youself with the rescue helicopter and blow yourself off the rope yet again. Hovering overhead “just in case” is just a lot of hot, whirling air that is loud and often terrifying.
It has been a Zen experience in that one must learn to sit and wait, often in silence. Silence is not the friend of the codependent. It is not the norm. Not having a constant “feed of need” running through your head is bizarre and seems unnatural. Observing as the chatter occurs and not acting upon it can be excruciating.
“You can fix that in no time!”
“Why are you letting them struggle?!!”
And you must just sit and wait. Wait to be asked. Wait to see if it is yours to do. Wait for permission. Ask for more information. Ask what is expected rather than what you believe needs to happen. Live in the conscious moment, not your subconscious behavior. Let go of expectations. Take off your Super Hero outfit and simply be.
It feels very much as though you no longer “care.” This is a false belief. Caring is one thing, codependence something else. There are all types of codependents from altruistic to narcissistic and I may delve into those a bit in the coming months.
For all of my non-codependent friends and readers, thank you for putting up with what can only seem like crazy talk. I get it. It is a lot of work and constant babble. While we profess that it is for your benefit that we behave in this manner, it is more for us than for you. You reap the rewards along with the intrusion, but we need to rely upon you to help us initially with our boundaries. You can just say no or point out the utter ridiculousness of our foisting ourselves upon you repeatedly. Sadly there is no guarantee that we will pay attention because we know…..just simply KNOW that you need us.
I shall leave you with a quote I found along the way that sums up my goal.
Be kind
And full of love….but
Have boundaries
Like a motherfucker!!
Until next week, my thanks.
