Blockbuster Talent
Codependence is my superpower. All the things you read about codependence make you think it is a bad thing. A disease or personality deficit. It is something you find in alcoholic and abusive families. You can go to Al-Anon meetings to recognize your behavior and get well.
But what if it is seen from the positive mode? Every story has two sides, so why all the focus on the negative? Yes, there is the constant putting your own life on hold, stopping your activities for the benefit of others, rescuing those that seem to have put themselves yet again in some perceived danger, but that can’t be all bad.
All Superheroes are ultimately codependent. I had this realization the other day. Superman risked his job as a mild manner city reporter constantly by suddenly disappearing into a phone booth (which we know would no longer be possible, but because most of the population is staring at their own phone, he could potentially just change right in front of them and never be noticed, so phones still play a part) and flying off to save someone or something. He stood Lois Lane up regularly because everyone else’s needs were more important than his or hers.
Spiderman the same thing. Here one minute with his girlfriend begin mild mannered and then gone to stick to some building.
Batman lived alone in a mansion with a butler and his sidekick Robin. He had no lasting relationships except with Alfred and Robin and they enabled his enabling. When the bat signal went up, he was gone from home or the various parties he seemed to attend. He was “count on-able.”
Wonder Woman aka Diana Prince was a bit more kickass in her alter persona, moving from nurse to an OSS officer. Positioning herself to be in the thick of things so she would know where her Amazon like prowess was required. At least her boyfriend, Steve Trevor, was a super spy and they had work in common. Of course, he either disappeared or had to die depending on which story line you go with, because codependence makes relationships hard.
People have paid millions over the years to read and watch all about the superheroes. The major blockbusters these days are about all the rescuers and how each helps the world be a better place. They are feted and adored. No one is suggesting that they find a meeting or analyze their desire to drop everything to save someone else. They are cheered and celebrated.
As a regular run of the mill rescuer, you may get a spritz of appreciation, but then you are soon shunned or misunderstood for your actions. You are nosy, intrusive, smothering, controlling and boundary-less. Rarely do you see those being rescued on screen or in comic books being thankless. No, just the opposite. There are a lot of “gee thanks” or “gosh what would I have done if you hadn’t come?”
Which leads me to the thought that are the superheroes doing it for the same reasons? Do they have holes inside of them that need to be filled with the gratitude of many? The answer is, YES!
Superman was dumped on Earth by his parents and left to wonder where he really came from. Spiderman was living with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben after his parents died in a plane crash. Batman watched his parents being murdered. Wonder Woman initially was made from clay, but then was rebranded as the child of an Amazon Chief and a God. That can’t be an easy childhood and I bet her mother was away a lot and her Dad never around. Even Mighty Mouse was living in post-apocalyptic world ruled by abusive cats and had to save himself and the others. It explains his theme song, “Here I Come to Save the Day.” All classic childhoods for codependence.
So, saving the world is a great way to right the wrongs, ease your anxiety, refocus your hurt and make the world into the idyllic Garden of Eden we all lost. It is the perfect fantasy world that appears to be created by many of us who for whatever reason believe that by saving others, we save ourselves. And what’s so wrong with that?
As I move along my path to cease to be the emotional doormat for the world. As I learn to discern what is kind and what is decent as opposed to enabling and intrusive, I shall rejoice along the journey in knowing that I am not alone and that this burdensome behavior also makes me a Superhero. It just depends on who you ask.
