Digging It
My excavation process continues. I feel like some labyrinth where every turn reveals a new chamber or hallway to explore. It can seem overwhelming at times and yet I currently do not seem to want to stop and rest. Not every day is a new discovery. Many, if not most, are simply sitting with what I uncovered recently and trying to piece it all together. Like most artifacts, the pieces lie close to one another and yet just far enough away to require me to have to attempt to reassemble the puzzle.
Why do they break apart? Are they shattered beliefs? Perhaps they are “truths” that at some point exploded or I smashed and took only that which I thought I needed. The contents of my experience.
When we leave the fragments behind, we potentially forget the full meaning of why we felt a need to destroy or only take along a part. Is it because the other pieces do not match the story we have created from the whole? We take only the parts that match our pictures. Victim. Hero. Oppressed. Unloved. Misunderstood. Unseen. Unheard.
As I sit with the remains, I observe the way they are lying there, and I listen for long ago voices that might help me reassemble the entire picture. I create a memory hologram. Something that will allow me to walk around it and see it from all of the angles that existed in the moments before it was disassembled into fragmented “reality.” My version/picture/story/truth.
What is truth? We like to think it is facts given in a logical way, but more often it is our version of an event filtered through our values and perceptions. It is hard, one might say – impossible – to not color our commentary with opinion, or wishful thinking, or point of view. Our ability to justify our stance is impressive.
When you sit with yourself and review your emotions the stories that emerge from the stories you have told are fascinating. The roles of each person can change as you take a few steps in another direction to see them from a perspective that is not your entrenched version. Simply taking time to sit with the aspects of yourself that you have identified in the labyrinth allows you to dive a bit deeper into your sadness or upset or confusion.
Maybe it is a form of rewriting history, but maybe it is finally writing the real story. I highly recommend diving into the pit and having a look around.
