Transformation
A friend of mine gave a sermon recently at her church. It was about their mission statement and included a discussion on transformation. Like most of us, we think that anyone can transform and that somehow, we can help them in that process. My friend pointed out that when a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, it must do it all on its own. Living through each step of the evolution.
It resonated with me because one of the beliefs or goals of any good co-dependent is that you can help others transform. With a bit of hard work, elbow grease and a plucky “can do” spirit, you can yank those you know and love through the various steps and then voila they will be new again. Hit the “incorrect” buzzer here.
Years I spent believing that just through sheer will and determination I would, could, should help the people around me change their lives. I could see the vision. The goal posts were in view. That light at the end of the tunnel was real.
I never asked if they wanted to transform. Why wouldn’t they?!!! The promised land of my imagination, values and perceptions was something to behold. Freedom and ease were just a few steps away and I was there to hold them up. How arrogant and misguided, yet well intentioned and loving.
It is a subtle difference, but huge in nature. I can demonstrate transformation in myself. I can offer ways and ideas to those who are seeking some sort of change and ASK for input. I can sit with them along the journey to their discovery of self and listen or just be with them. All of those are far more powerful than the Super Power Co-Dependent me that was (and still is) fighting the demons, battles and wars for them. Who knew that the sidelines were more important?
I guess that brings up football, a sport with which I am only tangentially familiar. The coaches are on the sidelines. Often they are calling the plays, but it is the players who must execute. It is the people on the field who must make the snap decisions and change direction on a dime.
So, I have now moved to coaching staff, perhaps only assistant coaching, but it will be on the sidelines that I stay. Watching. Cheering. Hoping for the win. That is a transformative thought.
