Outcome

Letting go of the outcome. There is a challenge. Our default is to micromanage the events in our lives that we believe matter or are important, but what is important?

There are events, tasks and aspects of life that require more attention than others, but does that make them important or just more exacting? Life is just a series of details that when looked back upon make up our story and our outcomes.  Does our interference in these events really change the outcomes?

Think of a time when you fought for an outcome, and it did not turn out the way you had hoped or expected. What were the feelings, emotions, and judgements that you attached to the event? Did you become caught up in the loss or the failure? How did the outcome affect your life? As you look back on it now can you see a different evaluation of the finished product? If it did not go your way can you find the benefits to that happening? Conversely, if it turned out as you planned can you see the drawbacks of getting your wish?

There is an art to living life and letting go of the outcome. It puts ease and grace into everyday living. It teaches you to trust the process or the flow of life and to see where it will take you. Most of us do not want to go on the ride because we are afraid of the twists and turns and the perceived losses and mistakes. If, however, we can loosen the reins and allow for a bit more mess and chaos, we might find greater adventures and rewards. Understanding that in every perceived negative there is a positive that changes the energy of living and neutralizes the evaluation so that not all of life is good and bad or right or wrong. It is a pit into which most of us fall on a daily basis.

It is exhausting. I was doing some work on myself today and what came to mind is that I am tired. I had a list of what was tiring me out, sapping my strength and energy. The thought of it brought tears to my eyes which luckily told me that I had found the right thing to focus on.  What was exhausting me? I made my list and then I spent time looking for the benefits of being exhausted. The resistance was initially strong, as it usually is and the willingness to push through nearly non-existent. Then I remembered freedom and balance were on the other side of my “don’t want to” and I pushed forward. My buddy was helping by asking the questions and holding my feet to the fire. There were one or two moments when I thought it was a good thing this was over the phone as the desire to punch him in the arm was strong, but I knew that he was pushing to get me past the impasse. With a final shove and a few more pithy comments he signed off and sat with myself and my beliefs for a while longer.

I never enjoyed the accounting classes I took in college, but I must say that living your life as a balanced ledger is preferrable. Annoying, but preferrable to living in a story of “poor me” or “why me” or “make them stop.” Stopping every so often and taking a personal accounting is a good plan and it does lift a lot of the weight of the world that you think is oppressing you.

I am giving up my role as Atlas for now. There is high probability that I will suit up again and hoist the world onto my shoulders and allow my hubris to come to the forefront yet another time, but I remain hopeful that in the not too distant future I apply for another job.