No Wait, I Can Explain!

I blathered the other day. It is certainly not the first time nor, most likely, the last, but it always gives me pause as I contemplate where it all went wrong.

I tend to be loquacious and long winded. Once I have a head of steam up the mouth train is rolling down the tracks. Once a friend told me she enjoyed when I was angry because it was then I was at my most eloquent. I was young then and hope now I can be eloquent in my everyday exchanges.

Over talking is another danger zone.  Being an over-talker and a blather-er has been seen by some as my norm, but I would argue it is not as common as they might believe. 

The other night when the blather switch was tossed on, I was in it before I knew.  I had waded into a dicey topic and was immersed before my mind caught up.  My internal regulator was screaming, “pump the brakes,” but the car was heading down a steep incline and picking up steam.  “STOP!” was also blaring in my brain, but the safeguards had been thrown out the window.

That was when I went into what I believed, was clean-up mode. If I could just keep talking, I would be able to explain what I REALLY meant and not what was being heard. Surely, I could back -up out of the morass and charm my way to shore.  That’s when I saw the deep water coming and it was not calm.

The person I was word drowning tried to help me. “Okay, I get it, but you don’t have to worry about me,” but oh I did because I had hurt their feelings without meaning to.  This misunderstanding could be cleared up with just a few more sentences and all would be right with the world.  Their wide-eyed look should have been a subtle clue, but nope my brain evidently felt it was an opening into their soul where we could communicate heart to heart.

Thank God they began backing up. The distance worked to click off my mouth and my brain sighed in relief.  A quick hug and some innocuous remark and I hoofed it rapidly to my car to get out of there. 

I am still harboring hopes of forgiveness as there was nothing personal in the chat that turned into a mini rant. My thoughts of apologizing have luckily met with an internal governor that has vetoed that idea, but sadly that does not preclude me from wanting to “make it clear.” 

Sometimes it is best to just pretend it never happened and move on, but I think I will get my auditory brakes checked just in case.