It’s Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood
My inner child has grown up.
I was startled when I realized this the other day. While walking the dogs I was doing my usual Heather Scan to see what was up and what was new. I replayed several topics and worked on looking at them from a different perspective. Then it hit me!
“I’m too old to waste my time playing these games.”
Not that I have not said that before, but this time was different. I realized that it was not exhaustion with a topic, but rather the realization that I no longer had any injured children inside of me that wanted to play. I ran the scanning program again and it came up with nothing.
I have been working on myself for over 30 years. I have tried all sorts of programs, approaches, methods, therapies, and modalities. In May 2015 I found the one that works and I have been honing my skills ever since. It is an on-going project and appears it may take as long as it has taken to build La Familia Sagrada in Barcelona (begun in 1882 and projected to complete in 2026) but lately the work has sped up.
When I began, I did not notice the ages of the child I was re-raising. In the Fall of 2017, I was doing a course and bumped up against my 9-year-old self. She was quite clever in her solution to keep the mean kids at bay. Brilliant really, but her strategy was no longer necessary and had resulted in barriers to communication. Once I realized I could travel back in time, it opened up a new skill set which I used intermittently until this year when I have employed it often and effectively.
When I react to someone else’s behavior, I make a note that when I calm down, I should take a journey into myself to see why I reacted in a way I no longer enjoy. What is the trigger? What is the belief? Where is the hurt or humiliation or rip in my soul? The information is fascinating and illuminating and transformative.
In the past seven years I have evidently sat with myself in elementary school, thrown a Bat Mitzvah, Quinceañera, Sweet Sixteen Party, Coming of Age, and toasted turning 21. The visitations are in no chronological order because each situation is unique and encapsulated. Sometimes, I must travel through a variety of “Me’s” to get to the original entry point. As I unwrap each event, I marvel at a child’s ability to create a solution.
It is liberating to be grown up and to have brought my inner child up to date. I know there will be more opportunities for growth, there always are, but I am eagerly awaiting meeting all of me at some point in time.
To all my grown-up friends who have patiently been awaiting my arrival, I thank you for your assistance, love and understanding as I lollygagged along. To all of those I know that have afforded me an opportunity of self-discovery, I am eternally grateful. To my former playground buddies, I will miss you but know that you are happy where you are, just as I was until I found out, figured it out and flung myself into a new phase. I will be happy to wave as I drive by, but just know that it will be rare I stop for more than an occasional pick-up game.
