Hello It’s ME

I finally like me. Just the way I am. I am done with labeling myself or attempting to atone for my perceived “areas in need of approval.” I am fine just as I am and if I run into anything I think needs a tweak, I have the tools necessary to adjust myself. I am through seeking outside validation because most of the criticism or support of my own insecurities came from outside. It is not safe out there and certainly not “the truth.” It was more a reflection of my lousy self-esteem.

I do not have time to review my crazy belief system any longer. My reflection in the mirror shows someone who attempts to be mostly kind and thoughtful, someone more interested in self-awareness than in the stories, and someone looking toward the future to see what is next.

This nearly 18 months of writing a blog on codependence has been far more life altering than I would have ever suspected. Choosing to investigate myself and my actions so that I could write about it has opened my eyes to so many interesting things. Things I would never have agreed were annoying or lacking or needy or needing “fixing.” There was a lot, but I have to say that writing about them sped it up exponentially. Once your eyes open and then your mind and then you begin to drop the stories, you want to run towards a different point of view. It is not running away from who I was but stepping into who I have become or are becoming.

Once you change, relationships change but you are the reason not the other people. Mostly, they remain the same, it is you who needs to move on. I have not moved on with any blame or anger. I just have no desire to remain the person they need me to be or think that I am. She is gone and yet she is still here in a different form.

I will always care for the people in my life and be the friend that you can call or ask for the favor. It is in my epigenetic DNA, but I no longer have time for those that keep coming back to the well because they are not interested in changing their stories or doing the work to find their own answers and solutions.

Once you value yourself, you require that others value you. I am blessed that my life is filled with people who get me, love me, put up with me, challenge me and show up for me. Moving forward is some much easier with the wind at your back rather than the burden.

The best is yet to come.