Entangled or Involved?

I have been working on the subtle and not so subtle difference between entanglement and involvement. When I first heard it, a loud boom went off in my head.  There it was explained in a very short sentence. The difference between co-dependent and simply being a caring human. So simple. So complicated.

The need to rescue, fix, immerse and entwined comes naturally to many of us. See the problem and fix it. Hear a call for help and dive in. The imagery always brings me back to a 1960s movie with Haley Mills, “The Trouble With Angels” about a convent school for girls. The movie itself is pretty formulaic, but it is the scene with the P.E. nun (there is always one of those) at the pool. She is standing with her clipboard and a whistle. She blows the whistle and yells, “Victim!” and a girl goes off the diving board into the pool. Another loud tweet and she yells, “Rescuer!” and off goes the second girl. This is repeated a number of times and never gets old for me.  It is the way I have viewed my life and behavior. That loud whistle blasts in my ear as I go in as the second.

So, what is the difference between entanglement and involvement? I am still mulling it over and I believe, as in all things, there are many different aspects of our human interaction. My first thought is to be entangled somehow means a need to solve or cure or fix a situation for another person. To take over the work as my own, rectify the problem and then hand it back in a neat package to its rightful owner. Their problem becomes “our” problem. For most of my life this is how I have operated. As I have discussed here, it is not always appreciated, and it is in many ways arrogant to assume that your way is the best way. Some you assist are grateful and others can be resentful.

Involvement is offering input or information after being asked. I think you may also inquire as to whether the person might want some outside aid, but it is not diving in, grabbing them under the neck and swimming for the shore or side of the pool. There is no need for the dead man’s carry when an extended hand will do the trick or even just a sympathetic glance.

Look at me coming up with another way of being for the New Year.  Happy 2025 folks.