Drama Triangle

I learned about the Drama Triangle recently. Did not even know it was a thing and then found out that not only is it a thing, but I have been a willing and skillful participant. We all have.

The triangle consists of a persecutor, victim, and rescuer.  When I first was discussing it, the person I was talking to had been identified as a rescuer in a business setting. The manager that told the employee what to do and then when seeing that they were not taking the lead would swoosh in and take over, often saving the underperformer from disaster. I thought, “What’s wrong with that?”

As explained to me, you need to tell the employee what to do, how to do it and follow up to see if it is being done but when you see the giant pothole coming at them, you let them drive right into it. This is how they learn.  Intellectually I can get that one. That is how we all learn, from our mistakes. I remember once in the days of corporate America having my events manager appear in my office on a downward spiral. She had just had a meeting with the General Manager to go over her plans for an upcoming event.  It was, to her mind, a thorough and complete plan and I must say she was very good at the details. After she had presented, the GM started asking about parking and other logistics. Evidently it was a good long list. As it was recounted to me, she began to cry. I smiled at her and said, “You are only getting the list of all the things that Caroline once forgot when she was doing an event. She doesn’t want you to not be prepared for the unforeseeable.” In this scenario, Caroline was the persecutor, my events manager the victim and me, without knowing, the rescuer.

Evidently, like all co-dependent events, it is not in and of itself a negative, but it can become so if the role continues. What puzzled me about the current situation I was listening to, it appeared that the premise was you do not rescue and if that person drives off the cliff, you simply fire them because they cannot figure out the best approach.  Seems harsh and for me counter to customer service of the clients.

If the employee is not performing to the level necessary to service the client to their satisfaction or at least their needs for the project, are you not allowing the employees need to fail and learn (or leave) to obfuscate the clients’ needs? Do you not run the risk of having your company appear to be substandard or not well run? What about the employees that take the attitude that “you are not the boss of me” and “I will do what I think the client wants, not what I have been told?”

In the description of the Drama Triangle, it states that the roles are all fluid. The victim can become the persecutor, the rescuer the victim and the persecutor the rescuer. All of this makes perfect sense and no sense whatsoever, but it makes me feel better about the days in which my co-dependent lines blur up and I find myself once again enmeshed. I think I shall continue to explore this concept now that it has appeared on my life screen.