Three Quick Questions
It has been a busy week inside my head. Fascinating to watch all the safeguards and road blockages I have put into play. So many opportunities to drop, run and rescue. So far I have succeeded in remaining in my own pen.
A friend told me today that she had spoken to someone in an administrative role who stated that she had three questions when dealing with an employee.
1. Are you here just to vent?
2. Is there something you need me to do?
3. Are you wanting some guidance in dealing with an issue?
These have been around a long time in the world of human resources or management training, but they are good ones to remember in day-to-day interactions. A co-dependent default is to assume that the person speaking to you in some way needs you to solve their problem. Not so as we have often covered here on this blog.
Most of us are just venting. Something has happened and it has triggered us in some way, now we have to get it all out before we explode. All these people need is an attentive ear and some intermittent comments such as “what a shame,” “You’re kidding,” “that’s awful,” “what did you do?” Perhaps, depending on the speaker a gasp or two might come in handy and validate their horror. They DO NOT need us to fix it, solve it, get our hands all mixed up in it or offer a litany of “helpful” ideas. Just listen. Try not to get it on you. Move on.
Number 2 is a bit trickier as they are perhaps requesting direct assistance. There is nothing wrong with this request we all make them of others, but it is tricky for a recovering soul such as myself. “Fix it” sounds like the bugle at the beginning of a horse race, followed by the clang of the gates opening and the shout of “they’re off.” Often I am off and halfway around the track before I know what is truly being requested, but the thrill of the race and the finish are just too tempting. I have now learned that I can linger around the starting gate or not even enter the gate at all until I am sure I want to go the distance, but those words – “help me,” “Hey do you know…….”, “Do you have time….., “ Do you know anything about…..” Music to my ears and a detriment to my soul.
The last one is a great bridge for my kind. It is a good question. It is an important query for me. Assess your willingness to aid, then ask if it would be welcomed. You might not have to lift the entire building by yourself, but rather simply offer a blueprint so that they can construct their own dwellings.
I think I may keep the list in my purse.
