Happy Mother’s Day

She was perfect for me. The standard by which I measure all mothers. I was never once tempted to change her for a different model. Her excellence at the job cemented my decision to never be a mother because the bar was too high.

I was loved unconditionally but there were a lot of comments along the way about areas for improvement. Her smile lit up any room and her laughter was a pool in which I wanted to swim forever.

She was a town without pity and not the place you went to if you were hoping for empathy. You always had her ear, but she was not interested in whiners, victims or participating in a pity party. Suck it up buttercup was her approach. If you said it wasn’t fair, she pointed out that life never is so get over it. “Say it once and don’t say it again,” still rings in my ears.

If you were crying about something she would point out it was a choice.  “You can choose laughter or crying. I choose laughter.” And she almost always did.  I only saw her cry a handful of times in my life, yet I knew she had places of sorrow. She just got on with it.

I can never remember a time she did not stop what she was doing to read a book, listen to me or play a game. It was all about the fun. Her go to in public or when we were traveling was “You can do anything you want as long as you don’t call me Mom.” She explained that this allowed her to say to complete strangers who might not find our antics adorable or appropriate, “Who would let their children behave that way?” It spoke to the rascal and rebel in her.

In the middle of what other’s might label a catastrophe or crisis, her go to was “Isn’t this an adventure?!!” I was usually puzzled as I could see the chaos but not the adventure. It taught me to look for the win in life because I knew that my not seeing it was a failure of mine. Mom said it was there so it must be, I just needed to look harder.

She was the youngest of five children in a Protestant Irish family. The girl child born late in the mother’s life tasked with being the one that never marries and cares for the mother.  That was not her future and she knew it, yet Nana lived with us until she was 103. So like her to find a way to be the caregiver and live a life of adventure.

An eternal optimist married to a dyed in the wool pessimist, she found the win in life. Education was very high in her values, which she was positive held true for my sister and me. Luckily, we were good at it, so we met the minimum standard in her book. When I was 11, she began taking classes at the community college and within six years she had a doctorate. Then her new life began as a management consultant, trainer, and organizational team builder. It allowed her to travel the world and make money which were two more high value items.

As good as she was as a mother, she really hit her stride with the arrival of her grandson, the only grandchild she was gifted. He was perfection and the love of her life from the moment she saw him come into this world. As she had been with me, she was with him – his best playmate, confidant and shoulder to lean on. Summers spent in Maine on the beach made possible by her older sister who needed a companion. Again, caring for others while having the time of her life.

I was fortunate enough to keep her around and care for her until she was 89 and it was time to go. We traveled the world together, shared books and ideas, worked with each other and laughed until we cried on an almost daily basis. 

Happy Mother’s Day Caryln. Thank you for all the love, laughter and life.