Balance

A friend told me today that for him, I struck the perfect balance between support and challenge. It was music to my ears.

As a recovering codependent, I spent too long in the support category. I felt that was the right way to go. Constantly be the wind beneath other people’s needs. Be the cheerleader. The problem with that is that cheerleaders are only supposed to take the field at halftime and maybe for a few minutes before the game. My approach was to be midfield most of the time and periodically grabbing the ball to make the play. I honestly believed I was helping.

And I was, but not in a sustainable and productive manner. There is a time for empathy and a time for kicking someone in the ass. You do not do anyone a favor by always being there to fix things. Feeling your own emotions and letting others feel theirs is a gift, not a punishment.

If people do not spend time getting in touch with what upsets or challenges or depresses them, they will always be at the will of those emotions. This makes all of us reactive and keeps us off balance. Figuring things out is part of the game of life. If someone else is figuring things out for you all the time or allowing you to be the continual victim, there is little chance you can find out how you truly feel and what you believe.

I am thrilled that at least one person finds me to finally be in balance, but maybe there are more of you out there.