Almost There

I was raised by a mother that had no tolerance for wimps. It was a town without pity that was filled with fun and love but did not countenance cowards or whiners. Nobody else was responsible for your happiness nor should you be looking for too much help in getting the task done. Suck it up Buttercup might have been the family motto.

It has stood me in good stead over the years. To quote the song, I learned to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.  I am grateful for the skills and derring-do mentality and would not change those beliefs for the world, but I have to say that there are times when I wish I could puddle to the ground and let someone else do it.

Currently I am a bit exhausted from all the details of life, death, timeshares, and minutia. It does make one realize that there are a lot of moving parts to our existence. I am grateful that I know as much as I do and that with a bit of stick-to-itiveness the goals will be reached, but I am having moments of wishing someone else would clean things up.

The problem with this belief system is that I know I do not trust many people to do it “the right way,” or my way. This coupled with my mother’s voice in my head announcing that I just need to keep going brings me to my current state – betwixt and between. I am too far in to back out and it is only a few more feet of tunneling to the end of this project.

I admit I am exhausted and a bit lonely, which is ridiculous because I am surrounded by people who love and support me. They just can’t do the digging nor is it their job.  They are great listeners and cheerleaders and commiseraters, for which I am grateful. Some of the final phases can be jobbed out to outside contractors, but some of it simply needs to be done and the wheel spins and it only lands on me.

Tricking myself works for short spurts. I make the tasks appear to be a mystery or a game that I must master. Making more inquiries, not taking “NO” for an answer and not believing the many different answers you receive from the same company helps.  Throwing myself on the mercy of the person at the other end of the phone is also a strategy. Knowing which people those may be is a skill and one that I am being given an opportunity to hone to an art.(Note: one memorable day, I engaged a woman on the phone for 15 minutes searching for information and addresses before we both realized I had called the wrong state. We did have a good laugh.)

This too shall pass and simply become a good story to retell, a new tool in my life toolbox and a mere blip on the screen of life. I feel like someone at the end of a marathon who can see the finish line, but through tricks of exhaustion and dehydration thinks it keeps moving. Time to take the deep breath, push to the finish and congratulate myself on enduring. Oh, and thank Caryln for showing me I can.